Who is Hiding Behind the Mad Black Woman?

Hint: it’ not who you think it is. Have you ever wondered why so many Black Women appear so mad and angry? Is this yet another stereotype imposed by society or are we really so angry?

In my opinion, what causes black women to be mad in most cases would make the average person psychotic.

Why are some black women seemingly mad, angry, and unapproachable?

As explained in the touching story ”The Strong Black Woman Demystified” by the woman signed with initials J. M.:

“Being both an African-American and a woman is not an easy task.  We are told all of our lives and shown by others that as African-American women we are supposed to be SWBs (Strong Black Women) all of the time.  Our parents are, our grandmothers are and our great grandmothers were all the way back to slavery.  But what does that often mean?  That we bear the burdens alone, do it all and be super women.  We are to raise our children often without fathers.  Be both mother and father to them and then the backbone of our men.  Nurture everyone.  […]  The older women in my family were always very strong and my younger family members and I were always reminded of them.  Many of my relatives past down the story of my great-grand mother saving many of her nieces and grand children from a house fire.  The story is that she was a very petite and fragile woman, but still carried out over seven children from the fire.  They held on to her legs and arms and she got all of them out of the house before it was consumed.”

So what can anyone who’s in such a hopeless and unbearable situation do? Well, there are two possibilities:

First, you can keep your feelings deep inside and become depressed, anxious, etc. or develop some somatic disease, such as diabetes, heart disease, etc.

Second possibility is pouring out all your accumulated feelings in the form of irritability, frustration, and anger. If this is your case, others probably perceive you as the Angry or Mad Black Woman.

So you see now who’s hiding behind the Mad Black Woman, it’s a Strong Black Woman. Your goal is to deal with the root of your problems: to cure the Strong Black Woman! If you start dealing with your feelings the right way, you have the chance to become the truly Strong Black Woman.

Here’s a 5-step plan to deal with the Mad Black Woman in you

Step 1: Be gentle to yourself. Don’t judge yourself. Accept that the Mad Black Woman is only a small part of you. You are so much more than just this small part of you, but you must embrace and love all your parts in order to become powerful and uplift your spirit!

Step 2: Try to identify all external situations that trigger the Mad Black Woman in you. Answering these questions may help you: What made me angry or frustrating in this very situation? Is it something that another person did? What exactly? Write the answers down, just so you can go back to them and don’t forget them.

Step 3: Try to figure out why this situation or behavior made you angry or mad. Answering these questions may help you: Do you think that other person did something or behaved a certain way just to provoke you and make you angry? Why do you think that? How would you feel if you knew the other person didn’t know any better? Other person behaved the best way in that particular moment. How does this make you feel? Write your answers down.

Step 4: Now that you know what triggers the Mad Black Woman inside of you, you can decide what’ll be your next steps. If the participants in the situation are close to you, you can let them know how you feel. If not, you’ll probably want to keep your opinions and feelings to yourself. You can try to explain to the other participants in the situation that, in your opinion, their behavior is inappropriate. Ask them politely and calmly to change their behavior.   It is very important in this step that you address their behavior and not their personality. Use a tone that is calm, loving, and full of understanding.

Step 5: Observe their reactions. Did they react differently than before? In what way? Write your observations down.

Don’t worry if you note that you have ups and downs. It’s completely normal if you’re not able to react the way you want, all the time. There’s no right or wrong way, just as long as you stay on this journey and quickly return to your path.

Your goal is to be empowered Black Woman!

Do you see the positive changes in your life after following this 5-step plan? What are the positive changes? How does this make you feel?  Empowered? Energized? Spiritually uplifted? Share in the comments.