Have you ever wondered why you do certain things and not the others? Why you’re doing things in certain way? What motivates you? Motivation is the essence of any achievement. The way you motivate yourself determines whether you’ll fail or succeed.
Motivation is the drive or the impulse you feel before any action. Often, the real motivation is hidden in a subconscious part of your mind. So it’s your job to examine the motivation that stands behind your actions and to set it straight.
Adults, very often, repeat the things, behaviors, and conditions their parents imposed on them during childhood. Therefore, you’re probably repeating those learned patterns from your childhood. You’re probably mimicking your parents when motivating yourself.
According to psychologists there are 5 common drivers that motivate humans:
1. Be perfect!
If you’re always trying to do things perfectly, than probably your parents motivated you in this way. Often, you’ll feel dissatisfaction after achieving your goals. In extreme cases, you may even feel self-hatred and self-loathing for not being able to do things perfectly.
You need to realize nobody is perfect. Stop being so hard on yourself! Do your best in any given situation and any given moment. Be satisfied with the outcome. There is a strong possibility that the outcome is perfect after you did everything in your power to do things right.
2. Be strong!
If others perceive you as a Strong Black Woman, chances are you’ve been conditioned this way. Your parents perceived the world as a scary place where only the strongest survive. Of course, some situations in life demand of you to behave strongly, while others to behave weakly. If you don’t have permission to behave both ways, then you’ll probably end up feeling disappointed in yourself.
You need to know that ‘strong’ and ‘weak’ are relative terms: what one perceives as ‘weak’ for someone else is ‘strong’. So, stop comparing with others! Permit yourself to behave both ways!
3. Try hard!
This type of conditioning is very common in today’s society. That’s why so many people work nonstop. They feel guilty when stop working. Do you try hard? Do you work all the time? Do you have rationalizations similar to the following: ‘I’ll work on my computer and during the pause from working, I’ll mow the lawn’?
If yes, then you need to realize that there is no productive work without the rest from work. You need to permit yourself to rest properly and enjoy these periods. Even if you’re not working, you’re still a valuable person. You’ll feel more happy and content during work, as well as during the pause.
4. Please others!
- have trouble saying no and setting boundaries,
- avoid confrontations at all cost, even when your core values are really threatened,
- are so dependent of other people’s opinions and judgments,
you’ve been conditioned to be a peoples’ pleaser. It’s probably difficult for you to achieve anything in life without affirmation from others. So you’ve decided to rather help others and put your wishes and desires aside, while prioritizing others’.
To learn how to set boundaries, read this article: 3 Steps for Setting Boundaries and Build Self-esteem. Also, try to identify the really close and important people in your life, the ones whose opinions are valuable. If you need affirmation or advice, turn to these people and forget others.
5. Hurry up!
You’re always in a hurry, doing things hastily. This is because your parents expected that you do everything they’ve told you to, at once. This means that you’re probably doing things superficially, as well.
When you notice you’re anxious and in a haste, pause! Take 3 deep breaths, give yourself time before any action, to think things through, and then proceed. You’ll be more satisfied with the outcome, I promise you that.
If you’d like to achieve your goals with more vigor and to feel joy and contentment afterwards (and who wouldn’t?), you need to reexamine your motivation. Go through each and every one of these 5 drivers to determine what really motivates you.
Once you’ve determined which ones drive you, you’ll need to revise your motivation before any future action. Ask yourself the following questions:
- Why do I want to achieve this goal (to do this or that)?
- What do I expect to gain after achieving this goal?
- In what way am I going to achieve the goal?
- At what pace am I going to achieve the goal?
- When am I going to make brakes during the process?
If you notice any unrealistic expectation you’re posing on yourself, stop and set things straight.
Examining your motivation is a process that takes time and effort on your part, but eventually it’ll pay off. You’ll be more fulfilled and joyful after attaining your goals. Also, you’ll be more true to yourself and your divine nature.
Share in the comments: What have you discovered? What’re your drivers? What motivates you? How will this revelation impact your future goal setting?